DonnaKat's Blog

Smile, y'all...it's almost Hump Day!! :)

2011-12-13T21:05:00.000-08:00

Smile, y'all...

I have a razor and I'm ready to go to town. What should I do with it?

2011-03-27T18:04:00.001-07:00

I have a razor and I'm ready to go to town. What should I do with it?

Answer here

My wife says that she's feeling unfulfilled. I don't know why. I've given her everything she could ever want! She cooks, she cleans and once a week we lie together as husband and wife in sexual congress. What should I do?

2011-03-05T15:30:00.001-08:00

Leave the Amish community?

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I like my Charlie Sheen the way I like my eggs. How does that joke end again?

2011-03-01T18:20:00.001-08:00

Hard scrambled, over easy, and slightly runny?

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I heard that there's going to be a Cars 2? That sounds both interesting and dumb. Like an astronaut fish. What are some other things you can think of that are like this?

2011-03-01T18:18:00.001-08:00

Charlie Sheen's Twitter account.

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I'm not fat I'm just short.

2011-02-03T17:41:00.001-08:00

There's no such thing as fat people. There are tall thin people, and there are short people who are thin but are just short and have nowhere to put it because we're short. If we short people were as tall as you, we'd be as thin as you. But we're not, so quit calling us fat. If you were as short as us, you'd be fat as us. So quit judging.

As for you tall fat people...you have no excuse, so stop whining. You're just fat.

Which brings me to my original point. I guess there is such a thing as fat people, just not fat short people. Short people are just too short. We can't help it.

P.S. The next time any of you see Randy Newman, please punch him in the nose and say it is from me.

10 Things People Say to Themselves During a Snowstorm

2011-01-19T20:49:00.000-08:00

1) Will I be able to get to work tomorrow?

2) Will my boss be mad if I don't go to work tomorrow?

3) Will I lose my electricity and, if so, do I have backup heating capabilities?

4) How much bacon do I have in the fridge?

5) Are there any places within safe driving and/or walking distance that I can buy milk, bread and eggs?

6) If I can't get out, will these batteries in my XBox remote last the duration?

7) Is it safe to walk to Starbucks for a mocha latte?

8) Seriously, do I have enough bacon?

9) Is the snow clean enough to eat?

10) I NEED TO BUY BACON!!!

What's your favorite ABBA song?

2011-01-16T02:39:00.001-08:00

I'm not real fond of ABBA, I used to be when I was a kid. I liked Fernando and Dancing Queen. Now, I really, really HAVE to be in the mood to listen to them. Otherwise, I want to jab forks into my ears.

I guess you could say I have a love/hate relationship with ABBA. Either that, or I have issues.

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Do you prefer donuts with an odd number of sprinkles or an even number of sprinkles? I hope it's even cause you know what they say about odd numbered food.

2011-01-10T16:48:00.001-08:00

I prefer long johns with custard filling. What does that say about me?

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Do you think that Bert and Ernie are just roommates? Or is there more going on?

2010-12-30T07:51:00.001-08:00

I've always suspected something, but what goes on at Sesame Street, stays in Sesame Street.

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Do you have passionate make-up sex after a fight with your partner?

2010-12-11T15:08:00.001-08:00

I would, but he's usually unable to move after I beat him up.

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My girlfriend likes to flush crackers down the toilet to feed The Little Mermaid. Is this normal? Should I be concerned?

2010-12-10T21:28:00.001-08:00

Why is the Little Mermaid in your toilet? What the heck did you eat?

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It’s so weird. Today I saw this guy who looks just like me! And he has a mini schnauzer, just like me! And he drives a 2002 black Lexus, just like me! And he’s an asshole, just like me! What should I do?

2010-12-08T22:48:00.001-08:00

I dunno. Befriend him? You both seem to have a lot in common, after all.

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Have you ever been embarrassed by dating a guy and did not want people to find out?

2010-12-08T18:29:00.001-08:00

His name was Bubba Frumplehump. He had Flintstone feet, a humpback and his eyes faced opposite directions. I could never sneak up on him.

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Which would you rather have for your afternoon delight—a lunchtime quickie, or a quick conversation so hot it melts the phone lines?

2010-12-08T18:25:00.001-08:00

Shirtless, a cowboy hat and boots, tight jeans and a bucket of KFC.

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Have you ever shaved a part of your partner's body as a sort of foreplay?

2010-12-03T17:29:00.001-08:00

Do toes count?

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Would you ever work out in the nude?

2010-12-03T17:28:00.001-08:00

Not if it involves jumping jacks or running.

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do you hate men when you are on your period?

2010-12-02T16:39:00.001-08:00

I hate everyone when I'm on my period. I'm an equal opportunity hater.

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Does it bother you to know your significant other masturbates?

2010-11-27T05:46:00.001-08:00

I'm more bothered that I seem to have a significant other that I can't remember.

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What are you most tolerant of and least tolerant of?

2010-11-24T14:29:00.001-08:00

I think I'm most tolerant when I see people with the same flaws I see in myself. It's easier to forgive them when I know I have the same issues that I'm dealing with. Least tolerant, I think would be hypocrisy and inability to forgive others. None of us are perfect and I hate to see when people condemn others without taking a look at the skeletons in their own closets.

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"Yellow Submarine" is my favorite Beatles song. What's yours? http://lx.im/6Jg4

2010-11-20T17:27:00.001-08:00

Hmmm, I have several favorites depending on my mood. I like the older Beatles best.

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Do you ever romance your nether regions in front of the E! channel?

2010-11-17T16:49:00.001-08:00

NO!!!! That's reserved for the Food Channel, silly.

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My friend said that my stalking skills were unsatisfactory. Would you happen to have any tips?

2010-11-17T16:48:00.001-08:00

I don't, but I can direct you to a some members and/or moderators/admins of a fansite or two who might have some good ideas. ;)

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I'd want the Resurrection Stone. Which Hallow from Harry Potter is your favorite? http://lx.im/6IP8

2010-11-16T18:13:00.001-08:00

The Halloweenie?

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What is the moral of It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown? If you believe in something, you're wrong? Don't think for yourself, do what others do? If you are a loser, no one will like you? Don't be bald or carry a blanket? Or it's ok to steal pumpkins?

2010-11-14T06:56:00.001-08:00

I think the moral is if you sit around waiting for a giant living gourd-like squash to appear, you'll miss out on all the great rocks your neighbors want to put in your Halloween bag. Or something like that. Or maybe you need to lay off the weed?

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What's your favorite punctuation mark? I can tell you what it says about you.

2010-11-03T19:33:00.001-07:00

#%$^$@$%^ ... what does that say about me?

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Did you see the 18-hour director's cut of Inception? It includes 16 hours of Leo saying, "I love her! My mind is screwy!"

2010-11-03T19:30:00.001-07:00

I did not see that! I would much rather see an 18 hour director's cut of Tom Hardy's beautiful lips.

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What should I do to get my chimpanzee to stop attacking me with a shovel?

2010-10-30T11:26:00.001-07:00

What should I do to get my chimpanzee to stop attacking me with a shovel?

Answer here

How do you think these got in my fridge? And why? http://img529.imageshack.us/img529/3319/fridgep.jpg

2010-10-24T18:05:00.001-07:00

I'm more concerned about that pink stuff. What the hell is that?

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What's your favorite song to dance to in your underwear?

2010-10-18T21:15:00.001-07:00

This one, most definitely: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VVOpsfmEvI

Play

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You know what I don't like about Justin Bieber? He has the audacity to make one of his lyrics in one of his songs, "you know you love me." Well what about people who don't?

2010-10-18T21:05:00.001-07:00

What really concerns me is that you only mention one reason that you don't like Justin Bieber.

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Welcome to my mind.

2010-10-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

Yawning raining LOL Cats, a plethora of fluffy puppies and David Bowie playing with his shiny balls...it doesn't get any better than this.

Have you ever thought about having 4 of your male friends to have a masturbating race to see who would finish first? And betting money with your female friends on who the winner will be?

2010-10-18T03:34:00.001-07:00

I thought about it, but we both know that cock fighting is illegal.

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My brother has been kidnapped. But I don't really feel like running. So I'm going to walk bristly towards his location. Besides he's probably okay right?

2010-10-18T03:32:00.001-07:00

He's fine. He is currently handcuffed to my bed and looks very comfy in the zebra print Snuggie I gave him to wear. Speaking of which, would you be so kind as to pick us up some Chinese food on your way here? He wants Kung Pao chicken and I want Crispy Cashew chicken. Oh, and a double order of crab rangoon.

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If you buy a young cheese with the intent of consuming that cheese once it has properly aged, would you think about eating that cheese before it hits the proper age?

2010-10-17T13:18:00.001-07:00

One should never eat something before it has properly aged. That could get one into a LOT of trouble.

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If you had to fall in love with one of the following, which would you pick? A monkey or a sexy apple?

2010-10-16T23:34:00.001-07:00

Definitely a monkey.

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what gets you aroused these days on the spur of the moment?

2010-10-13T18:44:00.001-07:00

Answering weird questions on Formspring. Really, I'm all hot and bothered right now.

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What would you say is a good way to hide a boner?

2010-10-13T03:37:00.001-07:00

Dogs hide theirs in the dirt and save it for later. Some men act like dogs....you see where I'm going with this, right?

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Ugly dog makes weird noises

2010-10-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

Would you have the audacity to quench your thirst while robbing someone's house?

2010-10-11T15:45:00.001-07:00

It would probably depend on what they had on hand. If I had the audacity to rob someone's house in the first place, I probably wouldn't think too much about drinking their beverages.

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I recently watched Avatar. Is it true that reproduction involves joining ponytails?

2010-10-10T15:21:00.001-07:00

I don't know, I haven't seen Avatar. But if Hollywood says it, it must be true....right?

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Is exercise REALLY good for you?

2010-09-19T15:32:00.001-07:00

Recovering from a fall yesterday. Clumsy me tripped on some uneven sidewalk while taking a walk and fell flat on my face. I'm skinned up and sore, but thankfully no broken bones or sprains. It was so embarrassing. Some off duty paramedics just happened to be driving by and patched me up, and a nice policeman (who also ...just happened to be driving by) drove me home.

So much for exercise being good for you.

Queen - I want to break free

2010-09-16T20:41:00.000-07:00

LOVE this video...

Grocery Shopping

2010-09-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

It was lunchtime, but I had already eaten and didn't want to stick around work for an hour, so I decided to stop by Schnucks to pick up some cream of chicken soup, veggies, and milk. I know, that sounds random but the soup and veggies are part of what I need to make a chicken pot pie this weekend. And the milk, well....I'm always in need of milk. Of course, then I also realized I needed cheese....and bread....and oatmeal....and BACON....etc....

Approximately 45 minutes and $84 later, I emerged from the grocery store and on my way back to work....but not before I picked up these babies:

The mint ones are my favorite so far. :)

The Irony and the Justice

2009-02-12T21:24:00.000-08:00

As a person who just got laid off from my job last Friday with no chance of callback, I can't help but smile at the irony of this story. Oh and by the way...I'm an Ameren UE customer, and the last thing I need right now is YET ANOTHER utility increase.

Ameren UE customers could receive estimated $73 million

10:25 PM CST on Thursday, February 12, 2009

(KMOV)- Starting March 1st your electric bills are going up. Ameren UE fought for a rate increase and a fuel surcharge you'll start to see on your bills.

But in a twist, one of the new rules Ameren UE pushed for would actually put money back in your pocket.

That's thanks to last month's ice storm in southern Missouri.

But it's not what the power company intended.

Ameren UE is now fighting the rule they wanted in the first place.

Ameren UE is going back to the Missouri Public Service Commission asking for a change to the rule because it had an unintended consequence and one that surprisingly would put money in customers pockets, up to an estimated $73 million.

Here is what happened and no one could have seen it coming.

Ameren UE's largest customer is an aluminum smelter plant in New Madrid County.

The ice storm just a couple of weeks ago knocked out power and getting their plant fully on-line could take a year.

So Ameren UE has all this extra electricity it can sell out on the open market.

Ironically, old rules would have let Ameren UE sell the power and keep the profit.

New rules require customers share some of the ups and downs.

And that means customers would get a huge chunk of this money in the form of future rate decreases.

Ameren UE is saying to the public service commission “We didn't expect that…..It's an act of god.”

That would now cause Ameren UE to lose up to about 45% of the rate increase they just got.

Ameren UE has a lot to lose in this one.

They're asking the commission to have a rehearing on that specific rule next Thursday.

Whether the commission will actually hear it remains to be seen.

News 4 tried to contact commissioners but couldn't get in touch with them.

Stay with News 4 for the latest on the story.

Link Here: http://www.kmov.com/localnews/stories/kmov-stlouis-news-090212-ameren-ue-money-back.cedc65b.html?npc

Where's My Global Warming???

2009-01-14T17:41:00.000-08:00

My furnace has been running for AT LEAST 3+ hours. I say at least, because it was running when I got home. I had the thermostat set on 71F when I went to work, and when I got home I cranked it up. In the 3+ hours since I did that, the temperature has gone up a measly ONE DEGREE in my house, because my furnace can't keep up with the drop in temperature outside. Tomorrow the wind chill is supposed to be -20F.

I'm cold. My house is cold. My cats are cold.

Global warming, me arse.... :)

What a lovely winter morning...

2008-12-15T04:48:00.000-08:00

Got up for work. Got ready early. Went outside 30 minutes early to dig my car out from under the sheet of ice that was on it. Car door was frozen shut. Went to passenger side. Passenger door was frozen shut. Managed to get passenger door open. Crawled from passenger side to drivers side, while carefully avoiding the parking brake and the manual gearshift. Got car started. Crawled back thru to passenger side, while carefully avoiding the parking brake and the manual gearshift. Went back outside about 30 minutes later. Got driver door open. Scraped. Scraped. Scraped again. Went back inside, got things, went to car to go to work.

Backed out of driveway. No problem. Went to go forward. Slide. Slide. Didn't slide. Drove up street. Stopped at stop sign. Went to turn onto street. Slide. Slide. Slide. Got stuck. Stayed stuck. Stuck in middle of busy street. Went to back back down my street. Slide. Slide. Slide. Stuck. Cursing. More cursing. Finally got car front out of busy street. Going to back down street. SUV is coming up behind me. More cursing. Lady in SUV decided to stop and let me back around her (smart lady). Backed down street all the way to house. Tried to pull car into driveway. Slide. Slide. Slide. Lots and lots of cursing. Went forward into street again. Slide. Cursing. Slide. More cursing. Put car into reverse and backed it into driveway. More cursing.

Turned off engine and went into house. Called in to work. My last vacation day, and I'm having to take it today instead of the day after Christmas. I'd curse about that, but that seems sacreligious. So I'll just say BAH HUMBUG.

I HATE WINTER! I HATE WINTER! I HATE WINTER!

Where's the eats? I guess I got a three day weekend.

Internet hoax - email titled "Your internet access is going to get suspended"

2008-09-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

I receive tons of spam emails per day due to the fact that I have several email accounts and maintain my own website and domain. I received this one this afternoon, which I immediately Googled and found it was as I expected - A HOAX. This particular email uses scare tactics and intimidation to get you to open the malicious file. If you receive an email that says "Your internet access is going to get suspended", DO NOT OPEN IT. IT'S A HOAX.

The email reads like this:
The Internet Service Provider Consorcium was made to protect the rights of software authors, artists.

We conduct regular wiretapping on our networks, to monitor criminal acts.

We are aware of your illegal activities on the internet wich were originating from You can check the report of your activities in the past 6 month that we have attached.

We strongly advise you to stop your activities regarding the illegal downloading of copyrighted material of your internet access will be suspended.

Sincerely
ICS Monitoring Team

A zip file is attached which, when opened, executes the virus.

Read more about it here.

Raining Cats and Dogs and Ikes....oh my!

2008-09-14T06:10:00.000-07:00

Every time there's a hurricane down South, we catch the remnants of it a few days later. That was the case last week when the residual rain from Gustav came through the evening before I was to leave for my trip to Toronto the next morning. As a result, I ended up mowing in the middle of a torrential downpour. What was I to do? I got out my lawnmower and the sun was out, but by about halfway into it, I was soaked to the bone with rain. Since I had to leave the next morning, I had no choice but to finish in between bouts of monsoons.

But anyway, back to Ike....it's REALLY pouring out there! Thank God it's Sunday and everything I have to do is indoors anyway. But those poor people in Texas...I feel for them. I can't imagine what it would feel like (nor would I ever want to) to come home and find you have nothing to come home to. Talk about devastation! Louisiana still hasn't crawled completely out of the disaster from Katrina, and now the Southern border is being battered again.

I also read of places that have $5/gallon gas prices now. Talk about extortion and gouging at the expense of the middle and lower income people. Isn't it bad enough to face the economy, weather, etc. as it is, without making it impossible to buy gas as well? The day we have to choose between putting food on our table or putting gas in our car so we can simply drive to work and back, is well past the day we need a change. I didn't vote for Bush four years ago, and I'll be damned if I'm going to vote Republican this time. They're nothing but a bunch of crooks.

Okay, time to go make some breakfast. At least I have food in my kitchen (can't say the same thing about having gas in my tank right now, though).

Being nice doesn't pay

2008-09-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

I have spent my whole life trying to live by the Golden Rule: to treat others the way I would want to be treated. Not that I'm perfect by any means (I have my bad days like everybody else), but try as I might to be a bitch, it just doesn't seem to be in me. Lord, do I wish sometimes it were. I wish I could be the type of person who says "to blazes with you and how you feel, think, etc."...and just do what I want to do, despite who I hurt along the way. But I can't. Instead, I'm the "nice" girl who gets taken advantage of, looked over, tossed aside, taken for granted, and betrayed.

I was taught that if you're kind to people, you will get kindness in return. But I have to wonder how true that is. It seems to be my experience of late that, the nicer I am to people, the more I seem to get crapped on so they can get advantages at my expense. I end up constantly getting the short end of the stick while they reap the benefits of being heartless bitches/bastards. I mean, what's the point of being nice when you lose out all the damn time?

So I tell myself, "No more. From now on, you're going to treat people like crap just like they treat you. You're going to be the bitch this time." But then I find that I can't do it. Instead, I retreat into my little hole and feel sorry for myself while the world passes me by, all the while the world not giving a flying flip how much they've hurt me or how I feel.

There's a reason I've become so independent and "set in my ways" over the years. I've done it out of necessity. I had a guy who was interested in me a while back criticize me because he said I wanted to do everything for myself. Yes, I realize he was right in that I felt like I wasn't worthy to accept help from him. But I've gotten this way for a reason. Every time I stick my neck out for someone - whether it be in a platonic or a romantic sense - I've gotten my head bitten off. After quite a few times of it, it gets old. I might not always like myself, but at least I know what to expect from me. If I hurt me, then I have no one to blame but me.

Anyway, back to my original thought....is there a 'bitch' pill I can take so that I can do whatever I want and not care what everybody else thinks? I hate having a "nice" conscious sometimes...especially when the world around me seems to be immune from it.

My Toronto Film Festival experience

2008-09-13T09:51:00.001-07:00

I had a few days of vacation, so I decided to spend them at the Toronto Film Festival last weekend. Due to my shortened stay I only got to see two premieres, but I picked two good ones: Rocknrolla and Hunger. The first is a Guy Ritchie film, and all I can say is it's awesome! I'm just sorry it's only on limited release. For some reason Warner Brothers seems to think American audiences are too stupid to understand British humor, but I've been watching UK shows since I was a little kid. As a matter of fact, I prefer them to the dumbed down shows we have in the States. With the exception of a few shows, my American primetime television viewing is limited to watching sports, news, or something like the History or Science Channel (maybe I'm just a geek).

The other movie, Hunger, is a Steve McQueen movie. It stars Michael Fassbender and is about Bobby Sands, the IRA hunger striker who starved himself to death in a Northern Ireland prison in 1981. Michael literally 'got into the part', by allowing himself to become emaciated (under a doctor's care, of course). Michael is not (yet) well known in the States, but I have a feeling that's going to change very, very soon. This movie is getting nothing but accolades, and he's slated to appear in an upcoming movie with Brad Pitt ("Inglorious Bastards"), a Quentin Tarantino film. I've been following Mr. Fassbender's career since his days on the British show "Hex" (I told you I watch more UK TV than American :) ), so needless to say I was excited when I actually got to meet Michael personally during the premiere. He was very generous with his time, and humbled by those of us who came out to support him. I was thinking "Michael, do you realize how talented you are?" I don't think it's hit him yet that his career is getting ready to soar big time in the U.S.. He was so sweet (and gorgeous too, by the way...yes, I'm "shallow" enough to say it...hehe).

Here are a few pictures I captured from the event:

Me with Michael:

Rocknrolla Premiere:

Boy Toy: Mr. Submissive

2008-05-31T16:06:00.000-07:00

I got another message from this guy who wants me to be his domme. I'm not sure I'm "domme" material. I mean, I'm probably half his size (he's a big dude...*snicker*), and I like to think of myself as the more feminine type. I picture dominatrix women as being about six feet tall with short cropped hair and a drill sergeant attitude. I mean, what would I do if the guy didn't obey me? Hit him with my makeup case? Throw a hissy female temper tantrum? Cry until he submits?

Then again, maybe I've been going about this all wrong. If I have a guy who does whatever I tell him to do, I wouldn't have to do all of this housework. I know my oven is in need of a desperate cleaning...

Hmmm, nekkid housecleaning. That might work.