Being nice doesn't pay

I have spent my whole life trying to live by the Golden Rule: to treat others the way I would want to be treated. Not that I'm perfect by any means (I have my bad days like everybody else), but try as I might to be a bitch, it just doesn't seem to be in me. Lord, do I wish sometimes it were. I wish I could be the type of person who says "to blazes with you and how you feel, think, etc."...and just do what I want to do, despite who I hurt along the way. But I can't. Instead, I'm the "nice" girl who gets taken advantage of, looked over, tossed aside, taken for granted, and betrayed.

I was taught that if you're kind to people, you will get kindness in return. But I have to wonder how true that is. It seems to be my experience of late that, the nicer I am to people, the more I seem to get crapped on so they can get advantages at my expense. I end up constantly getting the short end of the stick while they reap the benefits of being heartless bitches/bastards. I mean, what's the point of being nice when you lose out all the damn time?

So I tell myself, "No more. From now on, you're going to treat people like crap just like they treat you. You're going to be the bitch this time." But then I find that I can't do it. Instead, I retreat into my little hole and feel sorry for myself while the world passes me by, all the while the world not giving a flying flip how much they've hurt me or how I feel.

There's a reason I've become so independent and "set in my ways" over the years. I've done it out of necessity. I had a guy who was interested in me a while back criticize me because he said I wanted to do everything for myself. Yes, I realize he was right in that I felt like I wasn't worthy to accept help from him. But I've gotten this way for a reason. Every time I stick my neck out for someone - whether it be in a platonic or a romantic sense - I've gotten my head bitten off. After quite a few times of it, it gets old. I might not always like myself, but at least I know what to expect from me. If I hurt me, then I have no one to blame but me.

Anyway, back to my original thought....is there a 'bitch' pill I can take so that I can do whatever I want and not care what everybody else thinks? I hate having a "nice" conscious sometimes...especially when the world around me seems to be immune from it.